This month's cheese is not Brie
Whyever not? Read on, but beware! 'Tis a harrowing tale!

Once upon a time, dear reader, Brie was a fine and noble star of the cheese firmament. A medium-fat reliable stalwart of the cheeseboard. In its virginal state, it was fresh and crumbly inside, with a blush of fluffy down on its soft rind. Left to its own devices, it would ripen in a professional and cheese-like manner, liquefying slowly from the outside inwards, the fresh, firm interior gradually succumbing to the advance of the fungal transmutation, until the last fine line of un-transmogrified curds would melt and run, while the outer coating would gradually darken. In its final, pungent incarnation, a robust whiff of ammonia would tickle the nostrils of the potential partaker as the oozing, slithering, suppurating substance headed mouthwards. Delicious!

Sadly, the curse of Supermarket Standardisation took its toll. No longer were cheese to be allowed to ripen naturally, they were to be kept in stasis, and presented to the public in a regimented state of unripeness. Cheeses thus maltreated are reluctant to ripen even when taken home and treated with tender loving care and a warm cheese dome. Brie, alas, was particularly prone to dying in the soulless vaults of Tesco, but for a while, one could at least buy a reasonable slice of the immature variety and enjoy it for what it was.

But the final death-blow came not from the totalitarian impulses of the supermarket chains, but from the heavy hand of the EC, albeit indirectly. To put it bluntly, the EC has a surplus of many commodities. One of these is butterfat. What better way to induce the unsupecting public to consume more of the artery-clogging stuff than to leave it where it comes from? No matter than our cherished Brie was traditionally made from less than full-cream milk, a new, super "extra creamy" version was concocted and presented to an unsuspecting public.

Dear Reader, here the story becomes almost to ghastly to believe. For the Great British Public liked the stuff!! Not surprising, really, for there still exist on these islands in their millions those whose most pressing daily concern is to avoid at all costs food with any taste to it whatsoever! As you might imagine, this new, greasy, bland, tasteless, characterless white sludge found great favour with these. Quelle Tragedy!

You might think, of course, that the French would have none of this, but even the best French Bries these days are but a pale shadow of their former selves as the manufacturers struggle to compete with the new "superBries". Or, quite possibly, the French are still making half-decent Brie, but keeping it all to themselves and laughing themselves sick at the guillible and food-illiterate British. Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose, non?

But there is hope on the horizon! For into the breach steps a fine Irish cheese! Brie-like in character, but with none of the recent "added extras", this magnificent cheese, is, alas, still only to be found in the occasional specialist cheese shop within ripening distance of Ireland, but it is with much satisfaction that "Cheese of the Month" is proud to award its seal of approval to a cheese which is not Brie, but something very much better. Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please give a big hand for:

COOLEENY!